Implementing my needs

I have lots of spanking implements at home that have either been left with me, passed on, or bought as presents at events such as the BBB (Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar) , the LAM (London Alternative Market) or at other parties in the UK and US. I think I have enough to cater for most spankos, although it’s always nice if people have their own because it at least shows they have some knowledge of them, and hopefully how to use them! I know lots of experienced Doms and Tops will definitely have their own, because it’s a personal thing and I prefer to be with people in this category because some are one step ahead of me and will naturally take charge 🙂

I have Quality Control, London Tanners and Ouch products in the collection. The Canes are Dragon, Kooboo, Rattan, plus a special mixed wood Conni cane, and they are Junior and Senior sizes. There are rubber and leather sole slippers as well as heavy gym ones, wooden implements of different thicknesses and leather paddles and straps for all levels from fun play to severe:

I’ve been asked lots of times about my ‘needs’, but that differs according to the situation. In professional role play situations my only need is to enjoy it and be free to create and have fun, and end up with a warm nice tingly bottom and a friendly hug!. Lets’ call this my Level 1.

In my Level 2 personal play or ‘funishment’ situation, which I think the majority of spanko people and Tops provide, I like:

  • Spanking – given properly in stages as a warm up. There doesn’t have to be a reason but usually my attitude gives me away! I’ve had all kinds of spankings, but as I’m not really a player for thrills, most have been semi or full punishment ones. Funnily enough I can tell the difference between left and right handed spankers, not just from the side I go over their knee from, but it feels different. I am not telling you which is the most erotic for me though, because I’ve had good spankings from left and right handers and the ambidextrous! I trust most people to just spank me, and only once or twice have I bratted and regretted it after 30 seconds so it turned into proper discipline, but I knew that and had already made my mind up I wanted it, plus it was with well known Dominants who don’t mess around. Oh I know people in the scene ‘negotiate’ and I agree that consent is vital, but I have an element of CNC (Consent-Non Consent) in me by nature, since I was born this way to look up to real authority so if I ever take that risk and chance then I do so because I feel it intuitively and know it’s the only place it can go. I will clearly call a halt to it if I change my mind or have other medical reasons, but apart from getting cramp in my leg once I have never had to use a safeword (true) so I hope I continue to trust the right people in this situation. Plus I may have some kind of feelings or great respect for the spanker and immediately know my place with them from the moment they walk in in a vanilla way. Sometimes that just happens, it’s a kind of like super chemistry but it’s not something I make a habit of looking for.
  • Leather paddles, straps and belts – I like these in play as a continuation of a good hand spanking. Lying on a bed with pillows under my tummy is good, but smaller leather implements can be given OTK. Some leather is quite rigid and heavy so I see them more in real discipline because they can leave long lasting marks and I cant have that in my work as a model. I had a Canadian Prison Strap once and a mis-hit wrap left the side of my leg marked for 6 months, and I had to airbrush subsequent work I did in photo shoots, which I have never done before or since.
  • Slippers – Good for OTK or bent over a high chair or school desk. I think with slippers a set number of strokes is best in ‘play’, unless it is used as a continuation of a warm up. I am wary of gym slippers because I have had them full force and been bruised for days so they can be a discipline implement.
  • Canes – I’ve had cold canings that have made me cry after 6 strokes, and over 100 strokes given in stages at all levels, but in most of my Level 1 or 2 cases it’s 6 or 12 to finish off.
  • Other Wood – I don’t let many people use hairbrushes or wood paddles or the dreaded bath brush on my bottom because these are not a ‘play’ toys, and unless someone is pretty skilled at being able to use them as a continuation of a spanking then I see these as proper discipline implements. I have plastic hairbrushes that are great for spanking too that can be used in role play or ‘funishment’.

My Level 3 – My needs in discipline are different from play and party fun, which I will happily do with friends because I can control that and not have to let my emotional guard down much. For discipline, once I give my consent I don’t want or have a say and it is totally up to the person who is in charge of me. I am wary more of ‘Disciplinarians’ because sometimes despite getting what I deserve and coming away feeling contrite and cleansed I can become too attached, particularly if I connect with them in a vanilla way too and develop feelings. Discipline is the way to my whole inner soul/self and most times I can separate the person hitting me with stuff from my feelings, but sometimes I can’t and it leaves me wanting more, and if I don’t walk away sooner than later in the relationship I know I will end up broken. This is why I stopped seeing Disciplinarians, because I can’t trust myself unless I know I have zero capability of ever being attracted to them. It’s a thin line to walk if you are a girl like me who was brought up with discipline and knows it should be given with love, so if love for me isn’t there it is not complete but just a one way exercise. That’s why I tend look for the whole person first who just happens to also be a Disciplinarian, and then I get my own perfect ending. One off sessions I can maybe do but I have to agonise a lot over anything I get into that involves “affecting” me. I’m a Middle and although I can manage play and role play sessions I’m not grown up enough to handle emotional stuff, and that’s why any relationships I have had have usually been with a Daddy type or my scene parents who can understand this side of me. If people just want to hit me with stuff then that’s not fair.

I hope by writing this I have finally admitted things to myself and shared them with others who may have seen me as not knowing want and need. I have had occasions where Dominant people have said I need to say what I want more because they are not a “mind reader”, but I still believe they bloody well should be, that’s part of being my Dominant! If they can’t read my mind, how they hell can they understand my bodily needs? I think it’s sometimes a lazy Top/Player/closet Switch dressed up as a Dominant says who does not want to invest in that part, usually because they really don’t know how or have it in them, and as I’m psychic and highly intuitive and bright I can feel that anyway before they get anywhere near my bottom. So, I know EXACTLY what I want and need and now…so do you.

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