Bishy’s blog today comes from hospital. I’ve had what my GP thought was gastro enteritis since Friday with tummy ache and vomiting. In fact my last meal was Friday so as I write I’ve had no food in a week and very little liquid. As you can see my face is gaunt and I’ve lost a lot of weight but I will keep fighting to get through this.
It became more worrying in the early hours of Monday this week when I was coughing up horrid stuff. First thing Tuesday morning my GP had read my messages, seen the uploaded photos from me and sent me to hospital in an ambulance.
Tuesday night I was having surgery on an obstruction in my small bowel. Luckily they did not have to remove anything but just untangle it but it means I have very large scar in my lower abdomen below my belly bottom…which of course means no going over anyone’s knee for probably lots of months. I’ve not looked into the cause of this but who’s to say it wasn’t spanking related.
I’m hoping to sit up in a chair today but until I can start eating again I will be here, probably a few more days. I can only have clear liquids today and my tummy is hard and bloated in shock after surgery. Had a warm cup of black tea with sugar and it was heaven, times like this make you appreciate. I have a tube inside my body to feed me some nutrients that can be used if needed when I’m discharged.
I’ve been scared as hell but it’s all a day at a time stuff and new territory for me. Nothing matters more than my health for a while, and my US trips feel a long way away right now, but I will survive
I appear in a film for Red Moon Rising called ‘No More Drama‘ (which has since been made avaiable to download) . I looked and felt terrible traveling down three hours on trains and had no intention of being in a film, but just hiding behind the camera and making tea. I was tired, no sleep for days and a mess, and think I looked it in the film too.
I was only supposed to be director and camera crew for this film but both of the models booked didn’t show (don’t get me started on how I feel about some so called ‘models’)! I had to quickly write a new scene on the spot while my well known co-star was standing there probably frustrated and thinking we are amateurs, after probably looking forward to spanking two visually lovely models. I had to act in the film, and direct it with one cameraman who had to be a contortionist, in the tiniest room ever totally unsuitable for film with no proper film lighting. I was stressed having to do three of four things at once, but we made a film and didn’t want to waste the day, even if it might be career suicide for me!
Luckily I had the kit of school uniforms with me for the other girls so I put one on. I already had deep bruises on my bottom from being caned and slippered by my Daddy at the time days before, so everything hurt at least twice as much and I should not have been working at all. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. The film is called ‘No More Drama’ and will be available at www.redmoonrisingmedia.com very soon but I don’t ever want to see it again.
I’ve invested almost 6 months so far working with Red Moon Rising Media. Initially I was approached to just appear in some films as a model, but the situation changed and I’ve been totally involved in contributing many of my ideas; as a spanking model/actress, graphics and media creator, scriptwriter, film director, camera person, website and marketing planner. It has taken up hours of my time and I’m glad it is almost in place and the site can launch shortly. I did actually write a blog post for the Red Moon Rising Media site but decided that having a blog there is not so important for now.
So that it’s not wasted I will publish the blog post I wrote there, as it tells of how I got into it and explains how hard it has been for me to carry on with it, since my relationship with my Daddy that came out of it ended abruptly and left me floundering for months.
It Began in an AirBnB
One afternoon there were two men, and two girls who arrived late for a spanking film shoot in a rented apartment. On the way was a well-known spanking model who was approached to join a start-up spanking website project, her name was Emma Bishop. We will let Emma describe the scene and her first impressions and thoughts….
“I arrived early (I’m always early or on time and never late) and called Mr P, one of the managers, on my mobile. I was standing outside of a row of block of flats and my Uber driver had dropped me at the wrong block, or else the instructions I was given weren’t that clear. Mr P said he would be “down in a minute” as he was dealing with two naughty girls who had arrived an hour late. My first thoughts were that maybe these are amateur hobbyists, making the usual free spanking and pirate video ‘tube’ stuff in dodgy fluorescently lit hotel rooms and it was all going to be a huge waste of time. I said I would come along to see how they work and if there was any time left I would perhaps do some test scenes.
After 5 minutes or so of pacing around with my overnight bag full of toys and outfits in case I was needed, Mr P called me back and came downstairs to meet me outside. These things always feel a bit ‘cloak and dagger’, like spanking 121 meetings with clients in hotel lobbies, where I’m trying my best to look vanilla but it feels exciting and taboo, as if I’m a naughty little call girl..even though it is only ever my bottom that gets a spanking!
We went upstairs to the top floor, no doubt chosen because of the sounds of spanking echoing more into the sky that the rooms below, and I was taken to the bedroom/changing room to wait as the video shoot was in progress. I don’t run a meter for my time in these situations, and I didn’t want to walk straight in and watch the action as I’ve never been too voyeuristic, so I just sat cross-legged on the carpet and did some work on my own ‘The Trouble with Emma’ website that I was re-launching anyway. Maybe my psychic powers and intuition felt good, something felt worth hanging around for, and it seemed kinda spooky and deja’ vu fateful they had approached me in the first place when I wasn’t even looking to ever make a film again!
I heard the spanking and scoldings in the next room and it didn’t sound like acting, and there was a mix of laughter and fun between takes that made me smile because enjoying what you do but knowing it is serious once the camera rolls is the essence of a good film. There seemed to be chemistry between the team and I couldn’t wait to walk in and meet them. My pulse was nervously racing at being with Mr P again anyway as we had just started a relationship and he needed to have a “discussion” with me anyway.
We had met on a train in London and after a couple of weeks all of this was less important than us. but we wanted both and had good ideas. I could be Emma Bishop for the films and me when we were off camera, although on set he made it clear I was always his little girl and I couldn’t drink too much and was under his rules in public still. I assumed he had the business already set up and I would just be a model.
After they had finished. Mr P came to fetch me and asked if I would come in and meet the team for a late buffet lunch, with the good quality aged Rioja I’d spied in the kitchen, always a sign of class! It later turned out this was a private film for a client and they used it as a test shoot, which seemed reasonable justification, after they had shot with me a few weeks later and discovered I know something about making films and the standard they have to be at 🙂 What my friends (and family as they feel to me now) didn’t know was that I was Emma Bishop, nobody had thought to Google that I had already trodden this path once before and worked with and learned from the finest in the industry. I met these two lovely girls and the other boss G, the film producer and technical brain as well as being excellent with experience of running a ‘proper’ business, something I discovered later.
Fast forward a few weeks and I’m part of this amazing team and we have gelled and I feel full of technical and creative ideas that I can freely bring to the party. Our amazing girl Kaylee has discovered new spanking talent in the shape of some excellent spanking models. Her friend Bella Blooming was a bonus find and is so talented and growing as an actress and performer every day, and it’s lovely to work with her and see her face beam afterwards. Since then the quality of performances has grown every shoot and I’m glad I can not only appear in them for now, but also direct some films and use some of my professional acting and creative media training too. I am not planning on being in many films but cameos are always on offer, so I’m looking forward to spending more time as a film director and working behind the scenes too. I never saw myself as just ‘Emma Bishop, spanking model’ but an entertainer, Red Moon Rising Media is ‘not just another spanking website’, so this could be a wonderful journey together!
My memory of this from now on will always be that Red Moon Rising Media was born and I was stripped naked in an AirBnB (that happened later), and I’m growing in a new world of wonder! It’s so good to be back!”
I’ve posted some images in a gallery below of a forthcoming film I’m in called ‘No More Drama’ (that’s almost another blog post in itself), plus some images from the cutting room floor to bring my blog up to date. The films and website are ready in the background, we are just waiting for the important technical add-ons to be fixed, delayed by the US companies virtually being away for two weeks over Xmas and New year.
I’m still going to be working with Red Moon Rising Media as a spanking model, but I’m also stepping away a bit as it has been too much and a lot more than I expected to be doing. It’s way too much for a little girl who has been lost for months. I promised I would see it through to the launch and I never go back on my promises, even though I’ve not only put my own reputation on the line, but it also all gets in the way of who I am in real life. I have helped shoot some BDSM scenes that are not what I should be seeing, and my ex-Daddy wouldn’t have allowed me on set to watch over 18 stuff , and it’s been hard.
Also I have stayed up and worked hours and hours with not enough sleep and no rules and discipline so I’m emotionally all over the place, all of the things I always had and need as a growing young lady so I need to have some help with that again. I have not asked anyone as i know I can’t keep to their rules because of doing all this stuff, so I would be spanked for things I can’t help because I gave my promise. My brain doesn’t understand what to do anymore so I need an adult to take charge and tell me and give me their rules and stuff again so I can just go back to being myself without acting as Emma Bishop in all this. I can be Emma Bishop in any films still when I work for other websites and they tell me what to do, and do film clips with others (which I want to do), but most of the time I want to be my real self and not do any of this professional stuff, but have an uncle or auntie or teacher who can help me with my own life and growing up and will understand what I find hard to ever say when I’m being Emma Bishop.
When I used to write Bishy’s Blog MKI, I had so many people saying they related and felt as if they knew me. Apparently it was honest and from my heart (which it always is), and although I’m ‘Emma Bishop’, they said they got a good insight into the life of a spanking model. More importantly I wrote a lot of the blog when I had my long term mentor, so much of what I posted were genuine pictures of my real life discipline, and I would write about it, including the dread and fear of it all. I think most people mainly enjoyed the pictures and I suspect some thought they were staged, seeing as I’m meant to be ‘Emma Bishop’. Truth is my real life has never been like that.
When I’m out there as Emma Bishop I can love the attention and get high on feeling loved and perhaps even valued a bit for what I set out to do as a creative performer. I know how to do this, I trained in how to do this both as a professional model first and then a mainstream actress, but sometimes it’s too much and I just want to run away again and hide. But then I miss that attention and succumb to people saying they miss me, when I assume they really mean they miss my bottom. Oh I know if I write this openly there will be some people who think its a career ending whinge, and others who may think it’s self indulgent, but if I wasn’t writing it all down I would probably have to tell a friend in the scene how I’m doing and maybe even a Doctor. I don’t actually care if Emma Bishop loses fans. Those who get me (as me) will know what I mean and relate to what I’m writing next.
I miss having my Daddy, or someone who disciplines me for real but REALLY cares about me too like in a proper relationship, and I’m not just feeling like a time slot. I will never ask anyone to spank me or go to them because I’m a a girl and they are grown ups and I’m used to just being told. None of this scene protocol ‘play’ stuff that everyone does since 50 shades like an appointment. I was born this way and I’m old fashioned and I don’t understand that type of play on something that is inside my head and every fibre of me. My mentor was bold, he once we made contact he just saw how i was behaving and immediately took over and TOLD me to report to him. He already knew I would say yes by my email replies when he was getting to know me and he could see how I am. I had rules and he did it all and I had huge respect for him. As he wast in the scene at all, he just saw a child who needed guidance and he did all of that just like as if my parents in the olden days had hired a private tutor for me. Dr Williams is actually all of that in his career, although not of course in the way he was with me.
With my Daddy I felt understood, grounded, loved and on track when he was here, but now I feel empty, so I have ran into being Emma Bishop again and keeping so busy that I don’t have to remember what happened. I won’t go into details but he had to go away and Ive got used to the idea I won’t see him again ever, and I think I’m also over it too. The gap that’s left though is that I’m undisciplined again, I have no sense of looking after myself properly and it’s slowly dragging me down, but I have to keep going because I promised I would, and I have to try and do this without all the things I have had in my life for so long, when I’m not being Emma Bishop. I will do this because I had to do things to survive in lots of ways but I really just want to be looked after properly.
Discipline (spanking, rules etc) is what I had before Emma Bishop. My mentor advised me against joining the ‘scene’ and just being totally professional and to keep that well apart from the real discipline.
I was being Emma Bishop at a party this weekend and I think I carried it off OK. I’m used to being in front of people (just because of training and conditioning) and I’m used to smiling when really I want to rant and throw a tantrum. Saturday was like that. It was a party, and I didn’t want to really ‘play’ at all so I kept my head in meet and greet stuff. I will play professionally cos I can hide behind that, but I don’t like to play for no reason if I haven’t been naughty, it just seems like i’m acting again. I just really ever play to see what the other person is like so its a test really, but most times they aren’t interested in who I really am and would probably call it ‘drama’ if I told them i was a Middle in real life and not get it. Or they pretend they do and nod or laugh and then I feel like a freak. I hate anyone calling me a ‘Lady’ or trying to age me up, because I’m totally not. If they knew I was a young teenager in my head, metabolism and a few other weird things they wouldn’t treat me like, but I’m not mad just not like you.
The only time I’m happy that some people would call ‘play’ or a ‘scene’ is when I’m at school and that’s why I go to parties where there is a school too, and in my films. I’m being myself, that’s the only time, even if others are grown ups playing school. I hate it ending, its not even about being spanked on purpose, it’s about just being me in real life. At the party this weekend I was going to stay in a hotel and I honestly completely forgot I was still in school uniform, because they feel like my normal clothes. When I remembered and undid my tie it made me sad. It made me feel like I was having to lie and act again. Obviously I only wear it in school roles, but I just forgot and didn’t think it mattered, just like any teenager going home from school in their normal school uniform.
Since then I had a lot of social media stuff i loved getting into and writing, and it’s thrilling and exciting, and I could be spanked lots by people every day if I said ‘Yes’ and have lots of ‘play’, but I don’t want that, because its all for and about Emma Bishop not me. Sometimes I don’t want people telling me I’m any kind of famous person in the scene or wanting to meet me, because then I have to be Emma Bishop for them. The real me is a pretty mixed up teenager in a grown ups body, having to fit in and lie and do grown up things when really I can’t. Well, i can do sexual things of course in my relationships but its just i’m more innocent and emotionally immature and I can’t treat it all like a kinky game, if to me its all real.
I’m different in ways I cant write about and only explain face to face to a very few people in my life I can trust. When I go home sometimes I just want to curl up with my teddies and cry and scream under the covers or throw things and swear really loud. Sometimes, I wish I was never Emma Bishop, but tomorrow I will probably do it all again. Until I find what I really want and that person wants all of the real me this is just an escape that keeps me away from being a recluse again. I’m actually scared and more shy than I make out, and I wish I could just be that again without the big front I have to keep up. Ive probably said this a few times in posts but noone REALLY listens or wants to.
I was glum and thinking about writing this and at the time I took a picture to show how I was feeling. I also miss my parents who I met in the scene (M/F couple who are both Disciplinarians), and after two and a half years I think they have disowned me too and couldn’t be there all the times when i most needed them and I’m very sad I feel like an orphan again. I am not sure if they just got bored I wasn’t always smiling and trying my hardest to appear happy in limited time together lately when we met and I will ill, or I’m too hard work 😦 Being Emma Bishop has helped the past two weeks from wondering what I did wrong and why I feel dumped 😦 This picture was when I was spanked by them before bedtime once. I was so proud I got my dropseat Pj’s from America with my name on, which I only got and wore for them. I think it’s over, I am not sure. It’s nearly 11 again, my bedtime was 9 for two years, i’m exhausted and I need to go, sorry.
PS: My Mentor was an Academic in Education. He forbade me to use apostrophes and I got spanked if I wrote I’m instead of I am etc…but now I do because I can, but really I was happier when I couldn’t but I don’t want to try now.
Today was the launch party for Red Moon Rising Media who I have been working with for the past few months. I was spanked by Miss Iceni who is a well known Domme and had to apologise to my friend Ana, who was also spanked a lot.
Here are some puctures, I hope you can spot me in the thick of it!