Orienteering my Orientation

I had a recent slightly drunken conversation with a vanilla man friend who I kinda really like but never said, and he’s left and moved away now. He knows everything about my kink but isn’t a spanko. He said he could never ‘hit’ a girl…while I’m sitting there running a monologue through my head thinking I would be brave enough to happily offer to be his first sacrificial test crash dummy tee hee! Nice as he is though, and even with some obvious chemistry, from my side at least; he teases me and hints a lot but never cut to the freakin’ chase, with him not being a spanko it’s a deal breaker for me so I never said how I feel about him in all the other ways. If I had done it would only have got me in a stupid mess again, and I did say I will never compromise again so that’s dead in the water.

Anyway, when we were out once before he was looking at this pretty girl at the bar with long legs and commenting about what type of girls he likes. He regularly dropped in little criticisms about my boyfriend at the time, insinuating he wasn’t imaginative enough for me and not my type, and he invited me to have a quick birthday (mine) drink with him, on the Sunday night after I had just said goodbye to my (newish) spanko boyfriend. I immediately told my spanko boyfriend and he was fine with me going to meet a friend, and in any case didn’t have any exclusivity over me at that stage as it was still early on. My point being that I kinda hoped Guy A (non spanko) was a tincy bit jealous I had a boyfriend, as he wanted to see me on my birthday as we were staying in the same area that night, and I thought he might say something, but he never did. I still harbourded hopes I could convert him into a spanko if he had, but its well over now and he is gone.

When we met for the last time, and building on our open sexy risque chats, we did get onto the subject of his ‘type of girl’ again. I rambled on, after too much red wine, about how I like girls as friends, but am not attracted to them in the same way as I am to men so can’t comment much about other girls apart from that I can appreciate beauty, cool and personalities in anyone. Then I opened up a bit more about a few situations I had had with girls that made me feel all wrong, excepting one or two girls who I really did have feelings for. I tried to justify that by saying I wouldn’t know what to do now anyway, and I’m way too shy to make any kind of first move. I told him there was a word called ‘Heteroflexible” that I had seen recently (thanks Fetlife!). I said I didn’t think I was one of “them”, as it’s very rare I am attracted to girls, but maybe that it’s the whole person I’m attracted to. I went away and thought about it the next day and googled the word myself.

I have always been ‘Straight’ in Fetlife because I was and still am 99% attracted to men, because of all of the usual pheromones and other things I sense and feel towards men:) Then I thought to myself, maybe I’m closing down ever surprising myself or being surprised. And what if, for example, someone of the same sex may want to know me better than just a friend, but knows I’m ‘straight’, so I never would know how they feel, and I would never say anything either because I just wouldn’t know how to as I’m also immature. I know i keep saying that and you will all be curious or thinking i’m retarded or weird but I’m not, but just different and most definitely a Middle in all ways. It’s kinda medical as my metabolism and whole life pattern is out of sync with what it should be, and a Doctor recently asked if I’m from another planet, which really made me feel like a freak!

In terms of girls in spanking relationships and friendships I am not turned on by Female Domme at all, as I see men in charge and look up to them and it does everything for me. When I have been spanked by a woman it’s not been the same in my head at all, however hard I try, and I can’t help or apologise for that. I love it in films or role play though, it fits and I can get into it just as well as I can with a man in charge. But there is a small 1% chance I just haven’t met the right girl yet, I will probably never know.

So, for that 1% chance, I have changed my orientation to ‘Heteroflexible’, but I’m NOT ‘coming out’ or making a big “hey, look at me” deal about it, because after today I probably won’t give it another thought, unless another Guy A tries to get me drunk and interrogates it out of me again!.

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