You know what, I had a break recently to get over an eye problem which is still not 100%, needed it anyway because being online is too much like hard work when you feel ill, and I have come back feeling completely different. I also finally today lost the 10lbs I had been carrying since April all over the world with me and I’m running again and full of my usual high bouncy energy. Being ill sucked and I probably was a lot depressed and disillusioned too and couldn’t admit it to myself, I can see and feel that now.
I have never been one for scene labels apart from always knowing I’m a submissive, but although my head is still emotionally teenage and a bit biological too medically (weird but true), I feel older than a ‘middle’ now. I decided to choose ‘princess’ because I am and have been in my heart since I was small, but ‘babygirl’ has always come close too in the scene and apart from the words and how they sound I still don’t know the difference between a lot of them, and who really cares anyway?
A guy in the hotel reception in Dallas called me “babygirl when I checked in this year following TASSP and after bailing myself out of a total nightmare dive of a place after midnight. It was a vanilla comment and he was cute but it made me glow and smile, and even that little thing made me feel like I was got because of how I come across and am.
What I do know, despite typos and minor corrections (sorry), is I was finally after 5 years able to write a profile that fits me totally and be brave and say what I want and want to give. I have never in my whole scene life got that right as much, and probably seemed a contradiction to everyone who has tried to understand me, but it explains my part in the situations I helped to screw up because I could never communicate. I will always still find it hard but I can cut to the chase quicker too and not get too involved because I’m being too nice and hate hurting feelings. I am not touching my profile now unless it changes.
‘Princess’ sounds neutral anyway but it’s on my coffee mug in the office and all over my bedroom and I have been called it for years so why use any other label if there is only one choice to be made? It is what it means to me that matters but I feel bigger and ready to upgrade to the next level 🙂
I am still a brat and naughty and all the things I always was but just I don’t wanna play with toys anymore, just boys and I am having so much fun again!