These past few months I’ve had a lot going on and a lot of changes, with illnesses and my new job, but somehow I see everything differently now and it’s not just because of the high dose Vitamin D!. Well not differently, but exactly the same as I did when I was out there a lot more as a spanking model. I never used to judge or contribute or over opinionate then but just have fun, and giggle and brat and laugh and play, and perform. I LOVE to perform, I am an actress, even though it’s still me being myself and living in the moment, defined only by the set, my outfit and the circumstance of the role. That is as far as I want to go in ‘the scene’.
Over the past few years I got drawn into situations where I spoke up more and gave my opinion on things I usually don’t care enough about. I got drawn into Fetlife chats, its labels, and ‘the scene’ way too much and forgot I have a professional image to value and protect. Unfortunately some of the people I was speaking to have deep set views and stances on all sorts of subjects and were surprised I didn’t share them. I have never joined bandwagons, marches, or taken sides, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I have supported and donated in private and done things my own way and I have good reasons for that.
I hate talking politics and about my preferences but I fell out with my best friend recently over that, when they just were un thought through remarks I really don’t care passionately about, but she took in another way and was hurt by it. To her they defined how she saw me so we had nothing left to say and no amount of explaining or making up would fix it. I was sadder than I have ever been at losing a friend, because I never had a bestie before, but that was her choice and I didn’t fit what she wanted in a friend.
And now? I’m very busy and settled again and have truly discovered the girl I was 10 years ago so I feel so much happier. I can cherry pick and do as much or as little as I choose to and also juggle three other career interests. I am someone special to myself and I know it again and my head is up and my shoulders are back. I no longer dumb myself down, or try and pretend I never had such an amazing life and I am still having it.
One of the best spankings I ever had was in a hotel room about 5 years ago at a party.
I was spanked by someone who said he was an admiring fan and always wanted to meet me. I was spanked for NOT being the Emma Bishop he loved and expected to meet, and saying I’m useless and self degragating, at a time I was letting just anybody hurt me for nothing because I was so low and wanted pain. I was destroying every good opinion anyone had of me because I was hurting. It was real and I cried my eyes out so much, because it hurt in every way to have a blazing red bottom and be scolded for not being myself.
That spanking woke me up then and I remembered it again when I woke myself up a few weeks ago, with the help of my lovely parents. If I ever forget who I am again and am not the girl you are expecting to meet….please spank me! I don’t have to be Emma Bishop to my nearest and dearests in private or in my own relationships or even at parties with my friends, but in here I’m Emma Bishop and a princess too, so don’t you forget it!!