Yayyy! I can write again from a happy place looking back on how far I’ve come and how much stronger I am. I can just say “No” and mean it, but still have play fun without sharing my true submissiveness. I know the huge difference now – play is like a massage where I can giggle and brat and have some tinglies and hugs, submission is when my mind starts to get involved. That’s where I’m better at putting the brakes on now and thinking about who I’m dealing with. I won’t let the wrong people blindside me and dress that up as “discipline” anymore and expect me to not realise where it might take me emotionally, because it broke the real meaning of everything I held true about D/s.
My parents discipline me for real but it’s not submission, it’s much better and safer right now because they know how vulnerable I am and love me and won’t hurt me. It sucks being a Middle in here sometimes but I’m happier to stay away from drama until I’m ready to find a proper boyfriend.