I did something pretty huge for me this weekend. I wrote a long post in Fetlife asking for ideas from other people in the scene. Well..hmmm..it was actually an accident, but now i’m kinda glad it was!
I started writing it as a post in my favourite group for Middles, but then I changed my mind and decided to make it one of my own writings for Friends Only. I thought people who know me would be the ones to ask seeing as they have seen my history and know how I am and how i behave and think. I was cutting and pasting and opening new windows on the screen, as well as reading Group Activity updates from other groups i’m in, but I thought I had copied it all over to my own writings page.
But, after i had done that the phone rang and I went away to take the call. When i came back it had a message on the screen saying I had already posted it online to this other Daddy-Girl group, and I had some warning message about not duplicating posts to other groups!!.
So…Omg so now i had my writing out to two groups but not as my own private writing eeeekk!! I had to dash out and leave it anyway so just swore a zillion times freaking freak fucky freeek…grrrrr!!..and stamped a lot and ran out the house!
Since then after feeling like an attention seeking ninny I have had some brilliant advice from people on both sides, and private messages that are helping me open up a lot more. I’ve also had a ton of the usual one liners from people who have not seen my eyes but are grading me on my bottom, but i smile to myself again. I feel happy that I have entertained them in some way, after once taking all of my pictures down and deactivating my profile.
Somehow, despite still having a dilemma to sort out about my existing situation, I’m ready to write about my needs now to anyone who asks me so i can get even more opinions.
I am very old fashioned. I’m the girl who never asks, who waits to be asked, who never competes, but walks away and says “find me”.
Now I feel BARE again with a super big blank sheet and an open mind. Talking to people does no harm and I’m feeling braver, even if i’m being naughty and procrastinating and wasting lots of time and not getting any sleep but hey ho it’s fun!!
Thanks everyone who contributed and wrote to me, i’m going to write a new song called ‘Bare’ too!
Here are some recent images: