I communicated

Yayyyy yes I did it!
I told my parents I missed them last night…and my small plate of beans on toast and glass of soya milk for supper before bedtime, my French lessons when I’m in my school uniform sitting at a desk with a PC audio tape on (I’m learning intermediate French), having a wonderful story read to me and my bear Oliver when they take turns to sit on my bed before I sleep, and giving cuddles and most of all our family group hugs. I miss making them both tea and coffee just how they like it because they showed me how to use this special tea strainer thing. All of this matters as much to me as strict discipline, even though I hate it at the time. All of this makes me feel cared for and loved and special to them in some small way, which may be bigger than I think, I don’t know yet.

I’m grateful to some of the people in one of the Daddy/babygirl groups for reminding me to say how I feel and not just sulk when they are away for so long, and also my BFF who nags me about it all the time. I’m the world champion serial fuckerupper-communicator particularly when I write by text or email and not face to face, so this was a big first. I can do face to face because I can’t hide my emotions happy or sad, so I say what’s in my head and usually people can see I mean it, but I have a terrible poker face when I try and lie and hide things and that has gotten me spanked a lot by people when I start giggling under questioning. But I have learned so much from other situations where I blamed myself even though all the communication in the world wouldn’t have helped it, so I’m happier today with my first effort.

I feel a day more grown up now even though I am still no good at talking about personal stuff and other things I need but I’m afraid to ask for too much in case I spoil things too early on by being too demanding but after all I am a princess so I should be able to!! I’m a lot braver after this though and even if it goes wrong and they no longer adopt me anymore and send me back to the little girl orphanage, at least I can say I tried and I COMMUNICATED!! 🙂

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