Do it long enough and it feels normal

It feels like deja vu today!!
Before I was in the scene I had sore bottoms for private domestic discipline and it was all I knew and part of my real life. Then I was invited into the scene when someone saw my photos and was like my Svengali and soon I was in films. I had fun and made friends everywhere. My skin got used to it all but the marks didn’t last for more than an hour or so in photos, which was fine because I did lots, and I could be spanked with a lot of stuff and cope and everyone was happy with how I did I think. It was just a fantastic long role like being in an ongoing play in different outfits. I did it so long it felt normal.

Then I left the scene because I got tired of not being myself enough and having to compromise with all my relationships, and I handled them all badly like any other mixed up teen like girl who was learning how to have them for the first time. My final film was too adult, I was saying “yes” to role plays that were for adults (in real life and on paper), and although they included spanking some had more Dom/sub overtones and darkness in them, and I felt obliged to do them to survive, rather than because they were right for me mentally as a little girl or cos I enjoyed them. I was in so deep once I was on autopilot sometimes and I was accused of giving out mixed messages sometimes, which I was unaware I was doing (again because I think like a Middle). I am how I am and it’s a fact not an excuse about my timeline with this, so I had to leave all the scene and run away. I had a very long time out totally finding my real self again and admitting things online and saying what I need, and talking things through with my best girl friend who is like me, which I still do in chats every day and I love having her around.

My circumstances have changed again so now i’m the same single geeky but adventurous girl I was again before anyone in the scene ever knew me. Today I have a sore bottom from discipline for being too adventurous and not keeping safe and letting my phone go flat and be on mute.The last time I had a sore bottom was a lot of years ago pre ‘scene’. It feels normal like i’m home again, and even though I hate it at the time I know it helps me learn and grow. My flesh is new grown and soft and goes red quick so I have to try and behave better because it REALLY does hurt now!! I will have to think about saying “yes”to anything now without checking because my past reputation will not go before me anymore, and anyway I don’t want to be be everyone’s play friend this time I just want to find my own Daddy. Most of all, it was me being spanked as me and not her and I’ve got my own life back yayyyy!!!!

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