What it all means to me, another confession

A nice man just sent me a link to this page Daddy’s tender touch and it explains to me so much about why I’m not into BDSM and playing games and why I have felt as happy and loved away from the scene in private with one person as I have in it. The only games I have played have been in films and in private sessions where I’m asked to perform, or having spanking fun at parties and events I go to where I know it’s harmless fun. I love acting, it’s fun to act grown up too. Most of my pictures are real. I like being in the scene though so I am staying for now.

Anyway I don’t expect many people to get this in this site but I have learned so much about myself lately and admitted things to myself and friends that I never could before because I felt all these serious ‘Doms’ or ‘subs’ I’m friends with would think I’m making it all up in some weird way. I don’t care if it puts new friends off of me because I am not looking to collect any just so I can say i’m popular. I’m geeky and different and I know that and it’s enough for me. It’s hard talking to people I hardly know online and I’m scared to sometimes cos I know they have better things to do, and anyway some people just call everything “drama” if its not easy and just about playing or talking about spanking or BDSM kinky things.

I have even found a name for it, for what I have been going through in a mentally and physical way too for a few years. I have come out a ‘middle’ /teen and explained it’s not a game to me but how I am in my real life every day. I will never be a big player, because it’s always from the very first time anyone scolded me or hugged me in the scene…TOTALLY real to me and not a lifestyle but more like the importance of actually trying to grow up for the first time again and I am trying my hardest to do it without looking stupid while still trying to stay in here with my friends who I care about. I don’t need to go to parties to play every time, I go because I like bits of spanking fun and to socialise with people I care about, to see my acquainted friends and make new ones. But even then I’m always happiest in a private room one on one or in a quiet corner. I am not into “sessions” really, they seem weird to me and just playing and then having tea afterwards and switching it off and on, but I appreciate those who do, which is probably the majority of people I’ve met so I guess they are doing it all right.

This bit below says everything in a way I could never do before, and that’s why I think I’ve cared so much more and acted emotionally different than people have expected me to, but they did not understand and that hurt me even more. Not everyone in the scene is the same or wants the same things or types of people. I know that now and have accepted the players too but only as far as that goes and I will never get too close to any of them anymore:

“A Top is for tonight, a Dominant is for as long as she is submissive, a Master is there until she is no longer a slave, but a Daddy is forever”.

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