Writing and then feeling stupid

I posted this (below) in the Lolita Girls group I belong too but wondered if anyone else outside our group has any advice on when to write and how to write better. I an really looking for some help and advice now on how you feel when you write posts and comments in Fetlife. Maybe i’m just not ready to join in at this level, even though in ‘real’ life I can write OK like with office work stuff. I don’t know anymore, but I just feel pretty rubbish writing anything at all now.

I’ve been in this site about four years now and at one time I used to post things really confidently and even had my own blog. I even had people telling me to write a book once, but I had a role to play and image to keep up and I used to love being a spanking model and writing about this stuff, it was like being a real princess and important person who everyone wanted to read about. I always used to stay away from threads that had people disagreeing and going round in circles because that means I have to really understand things heavily and deeply before I write anything because they are all so good and feel much more mature to me like I look up to them, not like my own blog where I can say what the hell I want.. Lately though I’ve posted things and then stepped back and read what others say better than I do and then feel stupid like i’m totally on the wrong track like i didn’t even stick to the question.

OK my big problem is I don’t feel safe or happy anymore writing and HONESTLY like I am only happy in groups like ours and similar ones when I know i’m being myself because its so exhausting finding words to say in the other ones just to join in and not be boring in the community. I wish I could do this, it made me cry a little while ago and not I feel useless and totally like I should never post to adult spanking type group topic discussions ever again where there are so many people who are respected and I always like reading what they write . I know what i want to say but I never say it right or find the words and in the way others do and I click ‘send’ and then think OMG that looks silly now after others have posted things that make sense in the discussion.

Do any of you have problems trying to join in to discussions and knowing you are just acting it and you feel a bit out of place, or can you turn your big and little/middle side off? I can’t, I really really cant and it hurts and even worse that nobody gets it apart from people in here and its getting me down now and i keep wanting to leave the whole freakin site again forever 😦 Any advice on writing better too even if i have to fake it?

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