A contradictive Miss Understood

In my last post I wrote on a day I was actually pretty happy with the world. There are things in ‘the scene’ that keep popping up in my face that I find hard to come to terms with, and I sometimes wonder if it’s just me being too fussy or if other girls like me (lifelong natural submissives) feel the same way. Recent reading has confirmed I’m a “good girl” who’s wants and needs are in one post in Fetlife as: “Good girls” choose. They are not chosen. They are much like any mythical creature in this respect. They will appear only when your worthiness demonstrated. They will stay only if your worth is proven. They have conditions, needs, wants. They have minds and hearts and bodies. All of which are yours to do with as you please, when you please……if you’re worthy.” The writer explains “Good girls” will always see you before you see them. If you spot one, it is only because they wished for you to. They are curious creatures and will often wander into your camp seemingly alone and unannounced. I say seemingly because the intelligent ones will never really be alone, having one of their own in hiding, ready to pull them from danger or give you a good thrashing. Make no mistake, “good girls” do not fear you. They are studying you. Estimating your value and worth. This is a crucial moment, for your actions here will determine whether they bolt or stand fast.”

All of this was a joy to read and it could have written every damm syllable myself to describe how I have always felt about the WHOLE D/s thing, not just labels. It was good to know I am not alone and many other girls loved the post.

Which brings me back to my last post. I was actually saying that I started off with an Ideology, my perfect partner for life, my Utopia. I did say that I wrote it in 2008. I had clear eyes, I was brave, I was hungry to learn, I was giving, I was forgiving, I was confident, and I was becoming known as a spanking model. I wrote the personal ad in 2008 when I was tired of being all spanked up by so many people and having nobody really love me enough to commit to me. I would happily have left the scene forever if I had true love and strong arms then, and didn’t feel like I was a calendar day appointment or weekend good time girl. I wrote from my heart then, I always did, but my Prince never came to rescue me. The reason I wrote about it was not to complain, or say I am looking for a Utopia anymore because that has been slowly beaten out of me and I am not in a position to embrace it right now anyway, but  it was to say that I have grown to accept ‘The scene’ for all its flaws, so I have been able to play more, judge less and have fun with many friends I have come to love and respect, on whatever terms we have.

However, I have had a few emails from people thinking I am available as a partner, or am looking for a new scene relationship. That is not the case, unless I am told otherwise or change my own mind first. I have a “Daddy/Scene Partner/Dom” or whatever you want to call it and I love him. I am loyal to that and I will honour what we have together, I’m not afraid to say it loud because it matters to me.

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