20 wants of a Princess

I wrote most of this a long time ago when I was in a lonely place and tired of vanilla serial dating and scene relationships. I never posted it because the timing was wrong and I didn’t want to be seen as “demanding” or “picky” or “over-thinking it” or any of the things I have been told before by some people, so I just sat it under my hands. I read it again today and liked it so I want to post it now because I am happier now and still believe in fairy tales.

  1. I want you to choose me. Not because I am the only one around or the only one who said yes, but because you want to.
  2. I want you to ask me to dance. Not because you are curious, or want to add me to your card but because you really want to know me, and you know I’m old fashioned and will never ask a man to a dance anyway.
  3. I want you to touch me. Not because you like new flesh but because it’s mine and you want to see my reaction if you do.
  4. I want you to provoke me to answer you. Not because you want to pick me apart but because you know I’m keeping it all in.
  5. I want you to tell me how you feel. Not because I need to know right now, but because I want to know why you asked me in the first place.
  6. I want you to be proud to be my friend. Not because I want you to tell the world but because it matters to me not to feel like a dirty little secret.
  7. I want you to give me time. Not because I don’t know how to do this stuff by now but because I don’t know how to do it with you. Neither of us needs to be the best or be good at it, just good enough to grow into it together.
  8. I want you to snap me out of it. Not because I need you to patronise me or tell me to ‘grow up’ but because you can see I self destruct sometimes and don’t know how to put myself back together.
  9. I want you to show me how to enjoy it. Not because I am “over thinking it” and “need to relax” but because you can see I’m scared to drop my guard again.
  10. I want you to be there in the morning. Not because I never trusted your good intentions but to show me I’m worthy of a second date.
  11. I want you to be jealous sometimes. Not because it’s a good human trait, but because it means you care about me enough to be.
  12. I want you to hold my hand. Not because I’m an exhibitionist but because I can have the biggest smile on my face for the times we are together and you are proud to take it and show me off.
  13. I want you to defend me. Not because I’m not an adult on paper but because in real life you know I’m a scared little girl inside who hurts more than she shows.
  14. I want you to come to my rescue. Not because you have to be the most perfect Knight in the world with the strongest army, but because I’m not the perfect princess and in this life that is more than enough for me.
  15. I want you to punish me when I deserve it, or because it’s the right time to. Not because I like the feel of it, I don’t when it is real, but because it validates how I have let us both down.
  16. I want you to wipe away my tears. Not because it’s part of an aftercare duty routine, but because you know it’s real and meaningful and I never fake it.
  17. I want you to see me at my worst and deal with it. Not because I ever play the “woe is me” card, but because you know how hard it is for me to let it out and it will bring me closer to trusting you more
  18. I want you to remind me. Not because I need to know where I fit in, but because some days I need a lot of convincing that I matter. It’s not your fault I’m like this and I’m sorry you have to overcome my high walls.
  19. I want you to push me. Not because I want to please you like a “real” or “good” textbook “subbie”, but because you know I am scared that I may like things too much and be afraid for you to see that and use it against me.
  20. I want you to like me. Not because I want a version of cyber or scene love where we all love each others’ pictures and big each other up, but because you would still like me if we had never met in this way.

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