I had another accountability session this week with Mr W and this time I was in trouble for:
a) Being disobedient and staying up two hours after my bedtime to watch TV without asking first, and after I had said I was off to bed.
b) Being careless and miscalculating my job salary expectations with a simple calculation, which could have meant I was turning down a good opportunity because it did not look likely to make it worth my while. I rushed into it and did the sums, without taking some time away working it out and calling him back, so I was making the situation worse. The telephone interviewer must not have been impressed with my maths!
c) Having a visitor turn up to see me on time when I was just coming out of the shower. I did not check the time he was arriving in his email and hurriedly wrote down the latest time he said rather than the ‘from’ time, and it was embarrassing and awkward.
I had a couple of sessions the days before so I still had some cane marks on my legs but they kind of blended in by the end as you can see below. I had three hard OTK spankings, the leather OTK paddle, six hard strokes with the massive wooden paddle, 12 strokes of the cane and six strokes of the London Tanners Domestic Discipline strap (I think!). These pictures were taken after 6 and before the final 6 strokes of the cane.
Corner time with a sore bottom again
Six hard strokes after a spanking
I had some good questions this week from people and this one stood out:
“Do you consider spanking to be an art form?”
I initially thought he was asking if I saw it as entertaining, in terms of appearing in spanking films as a model. What he was actually asking is how I see the skill in the technique of spankers. I ended up by saying that I agree technically it is totally an art form and with lots of skill and technique involved. I remember reading a great definition once that I loved, about it being like a symphony, with changes in rhythm and power and sometimes never knowing when or how it will end. Not everyone is artistic and everyone sees beauty in different art, some painters do it for me and others do not. That is not to say they are not good at what they do and would most likely impress hundreds of other spankees, but I just know what I like and what feels right. It is mainly to do with one simple thing, chemistry. It has nothing to do with experience, just the right feeling. Sometimes I like being spanked by somebody, but will hold back and work hard to try to hide the fact I am enjoying it too much if it is an inappropriate situation or circumstance. I try and protect myself so my feelings don’t get hurt, and I don’t mess things up for the other person in any way, everyone has boundaries and expectations so I will do what I think is right for them and keep it to the task rather than what I may want. When I know I can truly relax and let go and it is going somewhere then it is easier for me to give myself to it, then it can become a relationship. Other than that I just enjoy the play session time for what it is on the day, we both have fun and I enjoy the role play or accept the discipline agreement I may have with someone. That is the art form I put into my work.
After saying in Fetlife recently I had nothing to write and was never going to blog again, when I thought about all I had written over the years in all my blogs I didn’t have the heart to just never talk about this important part of my life and what I am ever again. I am really impulsive and am probably the princess of egg on my face screw ups and mind changes, but that’s just how I am and why this only improves when I have threats of discipline hanging over me. Most times I try to do too much. I have a few different guises and get tons of emails and social media things to do so blogging takes time and I didn’t want to write if I was not giving it my full attention. Anyway, I will stick to pictures and reports as much as possible and Mr W, who is sort of having ‘chats’ with me on my behaviour is helping me while I am not in a relationship with anyone at the moment. I’m realising he knows and understands me a lot better every time we talk or meet and I listen to him more now and am trying harder to stick to things like my bedtime curfew, daily schedule plan and my attitude with people, so it is becoming a regular daily accountability with him so we will see how it goes.
Last time I saw him I was punished for driving a bit recklessly, being lazy (which made me burn my hand on the top of the cooker when I was taking the hot grill pan out of the top oven and not using the tongs with the long arm), and being careless with my mobile phone which I dropped and smashed a week after only having the glass replaced from a previous accident. They were not really accidents, I get lazy and forgot to do up the straps in my satchel handbag so it was careless. When I was in Australia with my then Daddy and sister they were really helpful and looked after me every day and nagged me all day about doing them up every time I picked up my bag to go out or when we were outside. Since then I have had so many things on my mind to put behind me these past few months that things like that get forgotten in the mad rush but it was stupid and now I am having to live with a broken glass Android for another four months until I get a new phone upgrade. I could sent it back for repair on my insurance but I am too embarrassed to admit I was running with my bag open and the phone lying on the top without the leather case closed! Also I would have to pay £60 excess next time, it was £30 last month, and I can’t afford to pay that at the moment.
When I saw Mr W recently I was spanked a few separate times and also had lots of corner time and all of the horrid implements you see on the floor in the piccies. The prison strap came back out and that really hurts a lot all over, but then he showed me this crooked handle school cane (which didn’t look as bad visually or as thick and nasty as any of the others), and he said I was to have it for acting like a schoolgirl with my attitude to him recently too online. OMG it was really painful which shocked me and I was no way ready for that to feel so hard, it hurt more than some so the worst canes! He said it will be used again sometimes while he is helping me because it is what I need. My long-term mentor (Dr Williams) was a senior academic anyway so I had lots of homework and tasks with him then and when we finished I was kind of still learning things and in school like he was my personal tutor because he gave me grades for my assignments too, so I never really ever finished my schooling anyway, but to see Mr W’s school cane come out reminded me of that. I was not wearing my school uniform for my visit to Mr W’s study because I wasn’t told to, but it was cold and I had my long over the knee wooly socks on, which slid down during my spankings so they look a bit liked my school socks. It was horrid to be caned with a school cane but reminded me of where I am again mentally with my maturity and real (not on paper) age and I immediately felt more secure mentally and back to where I was before with Dr W and what I was used to for the first four years, and not to pretend to be a grown up like some BDSM Dom’s who did not understand me had tried to make me be and then wondered why I didn’t stay long. I was more embarrassed giggling and laughing at BDSM things I have had done to me once like being hit with flogging things, hot candle wax and E-Stim machines and they wanted me to take it serious and have some kind of thrill from it so they got annoyed and thought I was laughing at them, but I am just very childish anyway and it was like “whoosh, way above my head” so I either laughed or cried cos I was scared they may have wanted to hurt me too. I just think BDSM is a jokey game that’s all and unless it is proper domestic discipline at home or went on in a school then I don’t really get it. At the most I think things like being restrained sometimes can be part of discipline because that would have happened in some Victorian households too, but the rest of it is hard for me to understand.
Anyway, I had a painful disciplinary session with Mr W and my bottom was still sore the next day and that’s pretty rare so I will remember to be more careful now cos I didn’t like it at all 😦
Here are the pictures, have a great weekend and I am glad I am still blogging. Mr W has said I must do and also write this blog reports too 😦