Following hot on the heels of my post yesterday, where I commented on the quality in cheap/free and even professional spanking films, I had a real punishment spanking yesterday. When I say real I mean real, no laughing, timeouts or posing for pictures at the time. We did have a camera set up and took some pictures afterwards, but that was incidental and used as a part of my blog yesterday to illustrate a point I was making. I do not need a camera there to capture my real tears in a serious punishment moment but if it is then fine, I accept that. Yesterday it was only afterwards we brought it in but I did have another real spanking as you will see from the pictures, so my bottom was pretty sore.
I am not in a relationship as such any more with spanking as a part of it, but my good friend Mr W has always been around to look out for me, so I feel a sense of being able to openly talk about how I am doing against the rules I had for myself in my recent relationship. I genuinely try hard to keep to them and from what I read in a thread in British Spanking recently about Responsibility and Punishment, a lot of people in the scene really don’t get it or understand that for some of us there is a huge reality attached to discipline and self management and motivation. I don’t indulge or bother writing in these forums anymore because I really can’t be bothered to waste my time trying to convert anybody who really sees all of this as a game and has their own followers to that argument, which is fair enough. Sure, they may see spanking as part of a healthy relationship, which is good and I agree with too, they may even attach an element of ‘punishment’ to it, but there always seems to be an underlying goal to fulfill a kink rather than to cleanse, improve, grow and learn with someone or for one’s better self. Maybe I am not so much of an ‘adult’ as them. in fact I know for certain I am not, and it has nothing to do with the ridiculous notion that it is a mental illness, but there are actually some genuine submissive types out there who have always been brought up on and steeped in traditional roles and do not get this current thinking that nobody should really in charge. I look up to people stronger and more powerful than me, I always have and I respect dominance and authority if it is natural and not contrived. I am lost and flaky without guidance, I feel very tense and like something is being withheld from me and there is nowhere to go and nothing to aspire to or someone to please because they want the best for me.
Oh I know of course we have to have consent otherwise it is a free for all license to abuse, but once consent is given, I see a lot of people turning it around to suit what they want out of it for themselves. I have seen some submissives saying they don’t like this or that implement or position and manipulating a situation through being needy and wanting the ‘ouchy’ or ‘yummy’ factor thrown in, rather than leaving it up to who they supposedly have given control over to to decide for them. I agree there is a time and a place for ‘play’ and trying new things out like implements but sometimes even the Doms give in easily to bratting, whining and attention seeking, perhaps because they are equally driven by the sexual side of it all more than the focus on consistency and boundaries so that the sub knows where she stands. Some Doms may also have switching tendencies and I’m sure they like the fact a sub is taking over sometimes too, maybe it fuels their vision of equality more in our modern society. I think it is damned hard for men to know how to be anyway with the blurring of roles and political correctness ,and what with ’50 shades’ encouraging people into our lifestyle it must be even more confusing. I love the sexual side of it all, in a relationship, but outside of that I can either have discipline, or play, in a session and not a mix and match of ‘funishment’ as a lot of people seem to be coining as a phrase nowadays. So, if it is with a friend I would rather have punishment and then later if we want to shoot photos and carry on playing (if I am still able to of course) then that is fine, or else just have a fun play session trying things out that I like and he wants to test.
Yesterday I was punished for these transgressions (below) which I have taken from my list. For the past six months my behaviour had been pretty faultless, because I was in a situation where I felt loved and attended to enough to keep me focused. I genuinely find it hard to keep to that on my own but am not in any hurry to find a new relationship at any time so I’m just happy to do the best in the meantime and have the help of friends to pick up and enforce anything I have slipped up on, but only if I choose to. There lies the difference, it is more on a confessional basis rather than working together towards something in a loving relationship so I have not given full authority to anybody, because it means too much to me to give it too easily without it being part of something very real and meaningful outside of occasional support and help . I am not sure if or when I can do that again, I cared too much and was hurt before, through my own fault nobody else’s. But anyway, back to yesterday, and tomorrow 🙂
18-11-13 – Late to bed and disobedient even after being allowed to stay up longer.
20-11-13 – a) Late to work – Spent too long in Fetlife online before leaving home. Arrived late to work place and had to spend £24 on car parking as all the free places were taken.
b) Saying “Whatever” to Mr W when I was being lectured about my behaviour today.
22-11-13 – Sent an email to the wrong person with personal details in that could have been awkward, then blaming somebody else for talking and distracting me and causing me to make the mistake.
25-11-13 – Overslept and went for contact lens check with wrong lens in, causing the Optician to have to re-do his tests and wasting his time. Being giggly and laughing about it and not pleasing the optician with my behaviour when he was being serious.
Here are some pictures:
And now I am off to pack to go to New York to a spanking party and when I get there, it is fun, play and having a great time, I know the difference so bring it on!