Heyyyy! I haven’t blogged for a while so just as it comes I will write about my forthcoming trip to the US to attend ‘Boardwalk Badness Weekend’ in Atlantic City in 5 days!! On a whim, I decided to go because a) I usually have a holiday somewhere hot at this time of year and it will be warmer than here, and b) For the past four months I have been cooped up recording my music album and recovering from illness related scares that could have been worse but thankfully I got the all clear on…so I deserve some fun and nothing is going to spoil that, that was/is the plan. However, last Sunday I stupidly did sit-ups before bed having already worked out for an hour and gone running and I pulled a nerve muscle in my back. So now i’ve been on pain killers and am trying to get fit for the event. Thankfully today is better and I walked three miles fine so I am pretty certain I will be OK in a day or two phew!
This photo (left) is
I had some great spanking sessions recently and in my last one took around 36 with the cane, pretty hard, some full force and it was a great workout as I’d been slowly building up again after my injury last year and four months of pitter-pattering around it. The best thing about it was that my spanker had created a system where within the role play I had the chance to have a say in how much I wanted of each implement. As it was role play that was fine, although in real life spanking I never have or want any kind of say in that, it is not my place and once I give control at the start of any relationship it stays there. In role play, professionally or otherwise, I think there has to be a more gradual consent as you get to know someone and can agree limits. I usually expect the spanker to gauge that from my reactions but every now and again, I will say something maybe a hint and hope they get it and re-adjust. As I am not in a spanking real life relationship at the moment then things are controlled a lot more and although it is not what I am used to, it is sensible and nobody gets too deeply into it. I’m finding lots more fun and games in spanking play too so even going to a party is fun again for now. I am very much on the edge emotionally a lot anyway and hang on to my emotions and bottle a lot up so I am wary of sharing that unless it feels right and is in a situation where there may be some futurology. I have deliberately shied away from seeking disciplinary spankings even when I have needed them and known I have screwed up and misbehaved badly, because I know myself I am only capable of giving myself fully to them if I have already bought into and agreed a whole arrangement. I have had one-offs where I’ve been spanked on the spot and cried my eyes out and often wish I could do that more, but for the most part that takes a huge amount of trust from me to give myself to that so I rarely let myself enter into that, even if inside I know I need it and was bought up on regular sore bottoms from my former Mentor. Its a battle with myself and also because I am very feminine and old fashioned and never ask for anything, it is never my place to, so unless I am told then and just taken in hand by someone things won’t happen. Of course I have to want to be told by that particular person at that time, so its a big call and the other person has to be very determined and strong with me or I will just get my own way and talk my way out of it.
I am finding I like leather a lot more than wood right now but its only because I gave up taking wood for a while and got more used to the feel of spanking and straps again so now wood feels a little alien. I forgot the sensation but after my session on Tuesday it is coming back again and I still like it but have to grit my teeth a little more than I did before. At one time I could take 100 strokes but now I am wary of getting cut and being out of action for a while so I am more sensible. It is all in my control and although I hate that in some ways, it keeps me doing more things more often right now. I have a few sessions booked for when I come back from the US so I hope I will be back to normal with all the potential activity out there. I have a really good Quality Control leather paddle and always include it in the implements people can use in a session because it has a certain sting and spread to it that I like. Of course if it were used in a disciplinary at a higher level I am likely to hate it, but the sensation from leather feels a lot better than it used to when I just saw it as another implement and could not distinguish the feel of it so much, as I had been having too many years of severe impact play that blurred my fun and experience,
I am having dialogue with a few Americans online and in the forum group for the party but am finding there is a big difference and misunderstanding in humour sometimes, so when I am (maybe) deliberately bratting or teasing someone they sometimes think I am complaining or saying I’m not happy with something or don’t want something, so in the end I just politely leave it there. I am very much a face to face person and often someone can look at me a certain way and I know what they mean and my reaction gives me a way too. So I hope I can learn the spanking party language over there and not give anyone the impression than I am any sort of stuck up aloof Brit! In fact I was the unofficial “UK Brit Brat” for a few years and did a shoot with the Union Jack as a backdrop which helped me on my way to more work and spanking ‘fame’ so at last I am getting to walk the walk and be the brat all over again!